HOW TO BREAK UP WITHOUT HARD FEELINGS

1. Determine whether it's necessary to write your partner. If the relationship is brief, writing is
fine. If the relationship has been troubled by violence, writing is the best option. If, however,
you've been in a long-term relationship and you know that you're able to have a level-headed
conversation with your partner, you may want to show them the respect of breaking up face-to-
face.

That said, if you've been avoiding breaking up because you dread the face-to-face encounter, it's
definitely better to break it off through whatever means possible, so you both can get on with
your lives. Some people spend years avoiding a break up because they're scared - do it in writing
if that's the only way you can!

2. Start the letter, "Dear _____," Explain that you regret having to write them as opposed to speaking
face-to-face, but that circumstances made this necessary. If you are afraid of a violent reaction,
or you simply feel too guilty to face them, just let them know. Tell them that you know they'd
want to hear this information as soon as possible, and this is the best way for you to do it.
Express why you have decided this relationship isn't for you. Don't dwell on the other person's
faults. You might mention that they're a great person, but the dynamic between you too isn't
working. You might say that you've treasured your time together, but you know it's time for you
to move on. If it's true, tell them that you'll always have fond memories, but you can see your
paths diverging.

If there was an obvious problem, such as cheating, drug or alcohol abuse, or violence, mention
how much those things hurt you. Tell them that you wish them the best in handling these
problems, but you know that you no longer want to be involved in a relationship involving those
things.

3. If you want to stay open to the possibility of friendship, let them know that though you both need
time apart to heal, perhaps in the future you can remain friends.
If you don't want to retain any possibility of getting together again, tell them that you are certain
in your decision to split, and ask them to respect that. Let them know that you don't wish to spend
any more time working on the relationship or discussing what went wrong.

4. If you feel sorry for hurting them at any time, apologize for anything you might have done to
hurt them. Wish them the best. If you wish, you can let them know that contact you at a certain
email address. Tell them that though you respect them, you will not be responding, because it's
important that you get on with your lives.

5. Sign the letter however you feel most comfortable, such as "Wishing you the best."

Warning:
You might want to avoid saying, "I still love you, but..." This may give the other person hope that the
relationship can survive.